Posted in contraception, Genitals: A User's Guide

Learning for Pleasure

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I joined the lovely voluntary organisation Sexplain (‘Bringing sexual and relationship education into the 21st Century’) as a volunteer facilitator based on two things.  The first was an array of terrible personal experiences of Sex Ed over two decades ago during my time at school.  The second was professional surprise at how little people (particularly those with vulvas!) appeared to know about the intimate parts of their own bodies when I started working on a Gynaecology ward.

One of the things that I found a little unrelenting about my own school SRE learning experiences was how much the emphasis around sex was ‘not getting pregnant’.  It’s all very well to encourage and teach healthy sexual practices.  However, I feel the message went beyond this.   In my classroom, romantic intimacy amounted to sex and sex meant penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex only.  Pleasure, consent and masturbation were not on the curriculum.  Sex was problematic, dangerous, risky – never ‘fun’ or ‘fulfilling’.  The ultimate hazard was pregnancy and STIs.  Nothing good could come out of sex but if for some reason you found yourself having it, the ultimate consideration was to NOT GET PREGNANT.

It turns out that this world view prepared us badly for adult reality.  We learnt how effective a condom was versus a diaphragm, but not how to procure or negotiate the use of either.   We learnt that STIs cause discharge from orifices that we had only a crude understanding of.

Another classroom illusion that was challenged, by both my personal life and professional experience, was that there is a ‘perfect’ choice of contraception for each person.  For many, contraception can be a compromise, a ‘best match’, or a pragmatic move.  It can take in to account what you feel able to negotiate with a sexual partner.  Or what you can afford or have the time and resources to obtain.  Or choosing something you feel is a bit shoddy, but doesn’t leave you with the terrible side-effects of some methods.

I created ‘contraception top trumps’ because I wanted to look at contraception not as a set of absolutely rational, clear-cut decisions (you fulfil criteria x so you should use y) but as a work in progress.  You can learn about and develop an approach to contraception, depending on what is important to you… and unfortunately there’s an element of luck to the whole thing.

I’ve published a printable pdf of contraception top trumps – I would advise printing four pages to an A4 sheet for large print cards and eight for more portable ones!

The link above is for a smartened up and downloadable version of the top trumps game I published earlier this year here on this blog. One of the lovely things about doing this was the interesting and open conversations this prompted with friends.  For example -the one person who confessed she’d had a blazing row with her GP about removing the hormonal implant because she couldn’t cope with the emotional changes that came once it was fitted and had been told simply to ‘persevere’. Or the friend informed that they couldn’t have the copper coil fitted because ‘she hadn’t had children’.  Or the disbelieving faces that meet you when you look at failure rates of condoms, many peoples’ go-to!   Please download, play, share and learn these with whoever you can and start  your own conversations.

REFERENCES:

All statistics on effectiveness and general information are taken from the NHS contraception guide.

My estimate of 20% effectiveness from ‘a wing and a prayer’ was based on a statistic I saw that said 80% of couples having sex regularly would conceive within one year. So it’s probably a bit low for one single instance of sex.  However, I can’t for the life of me find that and the current online NHS advice on infertility suggests that 84% of such couples would conceive within a year, suggesting a figure of 16%.  Either way, it’s not a great method and is incredibly less reliable than actively doing something.  I just wanted to show that it was not guaranteed that you would get pregnant every time you had sex, even once, which is definitely the impression that I got from Miss Hargreaves in Year 9…

Posted in reproductive rights

Choices

 

 

In the UK, the Abortion Act 1967 made termination of pregnancy up to 28 weeks’ gestation legal. There has been tinkering around the edges with this, and of course Northern Ireland is currently exempt, which sees many women still obtain abortions, but privately in the mainland.

Choices

 

To the Teenager who thinks

She’s just not ready to be a parent.

To the thirty-something year old who knows

They never will be.

 

To the Mum of three who feels

That she is already so stretched,

That she just doesn’t have it in her

To keep another whole.

 

To the nulliparous (childless) woman,

With a freshly painted nursery on standby,

As she lies back and begins to comprehend

The ultrasound image and the heartbreak it conveys.

 

To those who can’t.

Don’t want to.

Not right now or maybe ever.

To each and every one of you.

 

You have

Choices

And

They are yours alone to make.